Thoughts on Leaving

  1. I am leaving without a life plan.  As a control freak I am constantly reassuring myself that this is a good thing.
  2. When people tell me I'm lucky, I agree, but I also want to tell them that my choices aren't without effort and sacrifice.  I want to yell that I'm heartbroken, exhausted and confused.  Then I think of all the wonderful people and opportunities in my life and I feel guilty. I am lucky.  Sometimes I just need to hear "I'm proud of you. You are brave." 
  3. It is strange leaving a place I've come and gone from so much, with no plans to come back.
  4. My heart hurts.
  5. I am excited.
  6. I need a good night's rest.
  7. I am overwhelmed.
  8. I have been reading a lot about travel, but I think I'd rather be a gypsy than a traveler.  I don't want to visit places.  I want to stay for a while, soak it up, and make everywhere my home.
  9. Being adaptable is my primary goal right now.
  10. I am slowly shaking this fear and realizing that this is exactly where I should be.

“When they asked me what I wanted to be I said I didn’t know. "Oh, sure you know," the photographer said. "She wants," said Jay Cee wittily, "to be everything.”
-Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar