Arriving in Belrin kind of felt like coming home. I arrived under grey skies and grabbed a cab to my brother's apartment where I'm house sitting for the next few weeks.
I've been taking my time settling in. For the first time in months I feel like I can slow down and think. I told myself I could take my time finding work and to focus on two things: creativity and health. A job and money will follow. It's not worth stressing over.
I've been through a lot this year and I'm learning how important it is to take care of myself. For a while that meant really getting out there and living my life. Pushing my boundaries. Trying new things. Stepping out of my comfort zone. It has all been an important part of my healing process and getting me to where I need to be.
Now that I'm here, almost a year away from the day I was married, eight months since the split, I'm taking a deep breath. I'm sleeping. I'm making art. I'm looking at where I want to go next. I'm getting in tune with myself.
I've realized that over the years I let go a lot of what I really love. Art, design and fashion were always a huge part of my life. In highschool I sewed half my clothes, sold purses I made, and wore everything from hip hop style tracksuits to pleated skirts in combat boots. I drew graffiti scrawls on everything I owned from my binders to the dressers in my room and designed our grad sweatshirts and sweatpants.
In university I spent a lot of time at thrift shops and almost dropped out of journalism to go into fashion or art more than once.
I'm happy with all the interesting turns and experiences I've had in my life. I've worked in retail, restaurants, as an au pair in Paris, I ran an underground restaurant, catered events, worked the Vancouver Olympics, worked with a major news channel, worked with and was featured on the Food Network, I've written scripts and helped produce shows for the Discovery Channel. My life has never been boring.
And as I let go of an organized life with someone else I realize there is still so much opportunity out there. I don't want one city, one job, or one life.
I want to live ten lives and make the world my home.
Right now I want to make art and make Berlin my home. I'm not sure how, but I feel like if I trust my gut it will all sort itself out.