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Adapting

Berlin is an easy city to adapt to. On Sunday afternoon my brother and I watched people sing karaoke in the park.  It didn't matter if anyone could sing or not.  The crowd cheered them on and everyone was encouraged.

From the gangly young girl screeching out a rock song and jumping across the stage to Helmut Zimmer, a regular who sang in German with a big grey bushy moustache and finished by yelling dramatically ""Ich bin ein Berliner!"  The crowd cheered and kept the energy warm and positive.

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That same afternoon we passed a young man with a horse head on playing the guitar in his underwear, two DJ's in jumpsuits, sunglasses and bright wigs playing to a small crowd, and a group of hippies jumping around violently to an acoustic guitar player and singer, one braiding his giant grey beard in between bounces.

Anything goes here.  No idea is too far fetched and nothing is shocking.  Best of all everyone seems really open and accepting of one another.

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I have been pretty anxious.  I realized on Monday that I've been living out of a suitcase and depending on the generosity of others for 9 months now.  I am so grateful for everyone has welcomed me in, but I wonder how long I can do this for.

With all this moving around I feel in between worlds.  I feel like I need a moment to connect to myself and figure out what I really want.

I realized last night that this time last year friends and family were arriving in France for the wedding.  Sunday will mark the day.  It's no wonder I feel physically and emotionally exhausted.

I've been accepting a lot of my past.  A lot of the stuff I covered up at the time.  I'm trying to drag the darkest parts into the light.

So where do we go from here, my dear?  I'll have to find a job soon.  I'm going to finish that damn book.  Take care of myself.  Keep trusting that there's a whole world out there that loves me and needs me.  I want to do great things.

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