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Dudes, Dinner and I'm Done

"If I offer you a shot of Jägermeister and you turn it down, leave!" The crowd cheers, the music comes back on, and I decide maybe it's time to leave the testosterone filled party.

I spent Friday night at a BBQ joint for a party with The Dudes Factory, a creative company run by some seriously talented dudes.  I didn't stay long, but met some great people, had some meat and a mug full of Bourbon then left when the Jäger bombs started to drop.

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Somehow, Saturday night also started with Jägermeister shots.  I found myself at a private dinner in an industrial kitchen in a big warehouse out by the airport.  I arrived by taxi with a friend, met the others who were joining us, and we entered the kitchen where a long table with a white tablecloth was set.

Jägermeister was followed by Champagne, which was followed by wine and one of the best meals of my life.  We had several courses, several drinks, and several moans of moans of pleasure.  The meat was cooked sous vide to absolute perfection.  One salad dressing made with coconut and coriander was on a whole other level.  I practically licked the ice cream off my plate at the end of the meal and I'm not a dessert person.  It was phenomenal.  It ended in a bit of a blur with gin and tonics.

To be honest it has all been a bit of a blur lately.  I've been feeling like I'm losing myself, my focus, my morals and my mind.  I've realized that I need to stop and take care of myself for a moment.

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Something in me is saying "enough".  No more numbing with so many damn distractions.  It's time to use this rebellious energy to be productive.

It's time to build my own life.  According to the paperwork, I'm now officially divorced.  Last night I lay in bed with those feelings.  For the first time I let myself miss him.  I let myself remember how good it felt to be loved every day.  To have his warm hand when I needed it.  It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't meant to be, but I can't deny that parts of it were really incredible.

Now I'm finding my ground again.  I bought a yoga mart, a pair of slippers and some groceries.  If I'm going to build a life for myself I've got to keep the foundation stable.

It's not a lot but it's a start.

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