It's that moment you're about to cross the street. The pedestrian sign is lit up in red but the cars haven't moved yet.
Do you run?
Do you wait?
I live in a constant state of that moment. Of debating whether I should be brave and run, or wait, like everyone else, and avoid getting hit by a car.
My relationship with Berlin is complicated these days. I'm wondering how long I should stay. Do I run? Or do I wait and be safe, see if something good comes out of it?
I have been feeling vulnerable. It's good to be vulnerable but it doesn't mean I like it. New city, new life, new challenges. A friend said to me the other day, "I hope Berlin starts to be nicer to you."
But last night I went to bed with the thought "You will never be as young as you are now, make the most of it." It's true. Why do I waste any energy on things beyond my control? This is not a time to have it all figured out. I'll get through this and I might as well have a good time doing it. I'm young, free, and living in Berlin.
I think it's been a green light all along. Time to run with it.