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Red Light

It's that moment you're about to cross the street. The pedestrian sign is lit up in red but the cars haven't moved yet.

Do you run?

Do you wait?

I live in a constant state of that moment.  Of debating whether I should be brave and run, or wait, like everyone else, and avoid getting hit by a car.

My relationship with Berlin is complicated these days.  I'm wondering how long I should stay.  Do I run?  Or do I wait and be safe, see if something good comes out of it?

I have been feeling vulnerable.  It's good to be vulnerable but it doesn't mean I like it.  New city, new life, new challenges.  A friend said to me the other day, "I hope Berlin starts to be nicer to you."  

But last night I went to bed with the thought "You will never be as young as you are now, make the most of it."  It's true.  Why do I waste any energy on things beyond my control?  This is not a time to have it all figured out.  I'll get through this and I might as well have a good time doing it.  I'm young, free, and living in Berlin.

I think it's been a green light all along.  Time to run with it.

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