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The Only Life You Could Save

"I have to go.  I'll hate myself if I don't go." tumblr_mvgwnqnmld1qg20eyo1_1280

My mom looks unimpressed but tells me it's my decision.

It seemed crazy.  I had another day of work to finish and an apartment booked in Paris under my name.  But I had to go.  Dreams don't always come at the right place, time, or when you've got money in the bank.

So my magical, crazy, flight attendant friend flew all the way to Paris where I bought her a croissant and some coffee with Baileys, and then we flew all the way back to Toronto so that we could audition for a Food Network show.

We had applied as a team and they told us to show up together or not at all.  So after almost a year of being out of the country, I touched down on Canadian soil with nothing but a carry on worth of clothes and a very supportive friend.

We went right from the airport to the market and spent the entire night cooking, sampling, sewing aprons and getting ready for the audition.  The next day we walked into the room, made our best impression, and reminded ourselves of what we're capable of.

And now we wait to hear the results.  In the meantime I'm visiting family, looking for jobs, and wondering if I'm coming or going.  I'm layering borrowed clothes, flighting a cold, and counting my Canadian pennies.

My suitcase is in Paris. My heart is everywhere.  My mind is at rest knowing that I'm still willing to go after my dreams, no matter how crazy it seems at the time.

The Journey
One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice -- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do -- determined to save the only life you could save.” ― Mary Oliver