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Owning my Body

I am changing. It's been over a year of re-claiming my life and freedom, and most recently, my body.

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What scares me most about the years I spent obsessing over my body is how much I limited myself.  I missed out on countless adventures and opportunities because I wasn't confident enough or under the restraint of another diet or detox.

I was never better for it in the end.  I was harder on myself.  More imbalanced.  More insecure.  I was chasing after things which I knew had no value.

In my own experience life only really happens once you decide to love yourself as you are.

I am currently the heaviest I have ever been.  For someone who has struggled with body image issues for the better of my life this doesn't come without some deep breaths.  And then I remind myself - I am also the strongest, happiest and most confident I have ever been.  

Yesterday I stood in front of several cameras in short shorts, lights blaring down on me, one of my best friends by my side.  No one knew how I was feeling inside.  That one of the hardest parts of seeing this dream become real was that I had to embrace my body at the same time.  The strength of my thighs.  Bigger, stronger arms.  New tattoos etched all over.  A body that has lived and travelled well.  That has truly enjoyed life.

I am no longer fragile in body or mind.  And while moments are difficult I can't explain how empowering and free I feel.

I am proud of myself, my body and my life.  They are my own.