I am changing. It's been over a year of re-claiming my life and freedom, and most recently, my body.
What scares me most about the years I spent obsessing over my body is how much I limited myself. I missed out on countless adventures and opportunities because I wasn't confident enough or under the restraint of another diet or detox.
I was never better for it in the end. I was harder on myself. More imbalanced. More insecure. I was chasing after things which I knew had no value.
In my own experience life only really happens once you decide to love yourself as you are.
I am currently the heaviest I have ever been. For someone who has struggled with body image issues for the better of my life this doesn't come without some deep breaths. And then I remind myself - I am also the strongest, happiest and most confident I have ever been.
Yesterday I stood in front of several cameras in short shorts, lights blaring down on me, one of my best friends by my side. No one knew how I was feeling inside. That one of the hardest parts of seeing this dream become real was that I had to embrace my body at the same time. The strength of my thighs. Bigger, stronger arms. New tattoos etched all over. A body that has lived and travelled well. That has truly enjoyed life.
I am no longer fragile in body or mind. And while moments are difficult I can't explain how empowering and free I feel.
I am proud of myself, my body and my life. They are my own.