A friend and I sat in the park yesterday, sunshine on our faces, and she told me that it is important to grieve. To think about all of your regrets and to fully grieve them.
I was left sitting with an ugly feeling that I tried to get comfortable with. I have spent the past year grieving a failed marriage and a loss of self. But I have a lot more to grieve. Every mistake. Every failure. The times I could have been a better person or a better friend.
In moments like this I try to imagine the most innocent version of myself - as a child - and give her a big hug. I try to let go of the age old feelings of not being good enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. Kind enough. Strong enough.
I need to sit with all of these feelings. It is uncomfortable. It is also necessary.
Growth is painful.
Life is a journey and mine has been a nomadic one. With some extreme highs and some scary lows.
I have been trying to figure myself and this whole thing out, and maybe I haven't always gone about it in the right way.
As I look forward with a little more life experience under my belt, it's time to mourn the past, let go, and move on.
The wounds need to heal and the scars serve as reminders.
I am learning. Slowly. And growing.
“Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that - I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much - so very much to learn.” ― Sylvia Plath