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Love Me Until I'm Me Again

This week I wrapped Christmas gifts and wrapped up another job. I am in awe of this year.

Last New Year's eve I sat with my family, and my now boyfriend's family, and we shared our goals for 2014.  Mine was:

“I must learn to love the fool in me--the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of my human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my Fool.” ― Theodore Isaac Rubin

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I did.  I took risks.  I felt a lot.  I talked to people who scared me.  I took jobs that intimated me.  I drifted.  I burned out all of my savings.  I did this.

Because I took chances I ended up in Vancouver.  I came home to a place that hadn't felt like home in years, and re-discovered my life and family here.  They love me, house me, trust me, and encourage all of my crazy dreams.  They remind me every day what it means to be a family and to love each other.  I am so lucky.

Learning to love my inner fool led me to some great opportunities.  I worked in a food truck.  I flew around the world with a TV crew filming the biggest reality show in Canada.  I got sent to Japan to write.

I fell in love.

Life is not a storybook and it doesn't always unfold the way you expect it to.  But good things happen.  Random experiences connect you with incredible people.

With the year ahead, I'm taking what I learned and moving forward with purpose.

I am grateful that I learned to love the fool in me - that I learned to love myself again.  I really do feel alive again.