I have given myself a gift. After a weekend with a group of friends up in Whistler, I have allowed myself to stay up another night on my own to think and write.
I have not had a lot of time to work through my thoughts and emotions lately. Instead they have crept in the form of bad habits: anxiety, overeating, having an extra drink or two when I don't need it. These are all my red flags to step back and take some alone time.
After I launched my book, Lean for Life, I felt incredibly vulnerable. Who am I to launch this? What if people don't buy it? Or worse, don't like it? Maybe I need a graphic designer? To rediscover my love for photography? When will my work be good enough? What am I doing with my life?
That sneaky little voice of self doubt got REALLY loud. So my sleep suffered. My diet suffered. And now it's a time to listen, to realize I'm okay, and to set some better intentions.
If nothing else it has been a good reminder of how much better it feels to live with intention. To speak, move, eat, and behave consciously.
I know I feel my best when I do these things. When I act purely out of love. When I take quiet time to write and walk (my lifelong therapies). When I eat things that nourish my body and not to the point of discomfort.
I remind myself of what I tell friends: forgive, move on, and take tomorrow as a fresh start.
And so I take a deep breath. Remind myself to trust the process. To continue building the life I want to live. To be confident.
Tonight I will go for a walk and then cook for myself. Tomorrow I will write all day, set my intentions for the week, and sneak in some nature before taking the bus back to Vancouver.