Don't Miss the Miracle
This theme has continued in my life as I am relearning to “just be”.
We planned a housewarming party and I arrived home, a car full of cheese and flowers to be planted, and discovered the side of our house unburied and surrounded by caution tape. Our little maintenance turned into a bigger deal than expected and we would be out of using our water for some time. When my gracious landlord offered another rental house to stay in, I graciously accepted and we threw the party there.
House warming at another house? Sure!
The miracle: dear friends still swarmed in with flowers and wine, we had more space and parking, the sun came out, and I was able to show some love and good food to people who welcomed me when I first moved here.
Friday night we went camping and Derek was determined that we sleep in our air mattress. We left late and realized on the drive that we had no way to plug it in and blow it up. When we finally arrived, we realized it was too big for our tent.
The miracle: we found a pump, shoved it into the back of our pick up truck and slept under the stars.
In the midst of our camping fun I was hit with another lesson in grace. I drank too much whiskey playing cards and then tripped on a tree stump in the dark and cut up both of my legs. I laughed it off but in the morning, as the sun dipped onto me perched in the air mattress I was hit with an extremely heavy dose of anxiety and dark thoughts. Drinking beyond moderation is not my jam anymore for several reasons - my health, I prefer to be in control, and it is a trigger for me mentally.
If any difficult thoughts needed to be processed they came up in this moment. I started to mentally bury myself, and then I remembered grace.
You were born to thrive, not just survive. Vibrant health and abundant wealth are your natural state. Grace is our natural state. There is only oneness.
I realized in that moment that I had a choice to punish myself mentally or learn and evolve.
When we got home later that day I studied how to manage social anxiety - the root of why I will occasionally over drink in a group setting - and made some commitments to myself. I connected the events that led me to feel anxious and realized many places I could have prioritized and spoken my needs but didn’t. I realized that social anxiety is something I may always struggle with in my life - but I can use it as a learning and growing opportunity. I can practice breath, grounding, ownership and communication skills. I can learn some funny jokes. I can get more comfortable simply being myself. I can practice the art of moderation. You see I love to learn and grow - so if I emphasize these points - I can get excited.
Later that night I dipped into an old book that talked about victim mentality and choosing to see the good in old stories we let haunt us.
Like most people, I tend to cling to stories in my past that hurt me or haunt me and focus on the negative. The book suggested we find one one way in which it might have helped us, or if related to a person, one way they may have helped us, and find the beauty in it.
So I visited some old memories and rewrote them in grace, thanking them for making me the compassionate, well rounded woman I am. I found the miracles.
We have little miracles every day.
When we get too caught up in our perfect vision of ourselves or of our lives, they are easy to miss. So I wish you this - the stillness, the grace, and the consciousness to find at least one a day. You may be surprised to find how blessed you really are.
I’m going to leave you with this little miracle from the other night - as I posed for a red carpet photo at a car week event this little woman came running up laughing to jump in the photo and I embraced her and had her pose with me. It is my favorite photo of the evening. A little miracle.